Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Im back chuckleheads with a doozy

After the long hiatus I am back. I just saw an animal that I knew I had to come out of retirement for. This animal was requested on twitter multiple times and is usually a fan fave. However, You guys kno how much I love being different than the normal fag animal reviewer. So imma look at this really common animal with a very salty lens. You may have guessed the animal by now and yes it is in fact the Red Lipped Batfish.

Species: O. darwini


Overall appearance:
You gotta be fuckin with me. 
Like thats like that picture with the shark with human teeth right?*(Source at bottom)
what fuckin horny 6th grader drew this and imagined fuckin this
Like legit earth is crazy like fuck what
Of course looks like a coral reef hooker
Looks like it could a whole eel like wtf
Looks like it can blow some mean bubbles if you are picking up what im putting down
Looks like it could give you crabs like get it
Has lipstick but still less hot than porpoises
The joan rivers of the rivers

5/25 5 points cuz it reminds me that if god exist he is a jokester
Strength:
Carries this secret shnozz from its selfies
carries tho two baby testes under its nose
Jesus i hate lookin at this hickey machine
you dont have be strong to be underwater like some people think.
Like goldfish are under water and theyre weak
1/25 id like to see try to pick up a pencil
Survival:
Somehow survived the AIDS epidemic of the 80s
Is not endangered cuz itll fuck whoever has most sanddollars
predators stay away cuz it looks like a swimming version of a scab
10/25
('Sayonara folks!'- Bugs Bunny)
Overall Likeability:
Besides this picture there are no redeeming qualities
The only redeeming quality is that the reader of this is reminded that they were not put on this earth to look like a gag gift you find at the army navy store
I wish i stepped in this at the beach
15/25

31/100
red-lipped batfish
(When it hears it got a fucking F)


So yea im back in business my lovely fuckbois. Expect them whenever.
****

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