The Proboscis Monkey

This week I will be reviewing the proboscis monkey:
Nasalis larvatus


Overall appearance:
Just look at that nose.
It has a kinda human face so its really creepy.
Its got like a neck plume of hair.
Its fugly af.
3/25

Strength:
Has to carry that shlong on its face. +5
Can climb from trees.
I wouldnt fight it because it would probably hurt or something.
Can probably rip my face off and wear it.
It eats noses and claims them as its own.
20/25

Survival:
They honk to communicate.
They look like they would honk.
Most do not mate out of embarassment of their faces.
They are endangered so thats good.
5/25

Overall Likability:
They look like this dog's butt wearing a wig and glasses.
I really don't like em.
They make me feel uncomfortable.
If I was gonna pick any ape i'd pick an orangatang.
We all know it looks disgusting.
Thats an animal that no one would visit at the zoo.
5/25

Overall appearance:5
Strength: 20
Survival:5
Likability: 5
Total: 35/100

35/100. I am not being mean. God wants this thing to die out. RIP in pieces.


CHRISTMAS EDITION!!!!!!
SPEED ROUND
Reindeer get like a 70/100
Partridges get like a 41/100
Penguins get like a 92/100

The Platypus

This week i will be reviewing the platypus.
Ornithorhynchus anatinus


Overall Appearance:
Pretty dumb.
This is what happens when a duck sleeps with a beaver.
If it could talk it would say "Killl meeeee!"
Its got stubby webbed sausage fingers,
It is the Garbage Pail Kid of the animal world.
5/25

Strength:
They got enough strength to carry that dumbass bill around all day.
Has to carry the weight of being the laughing stock of both the bird and rodent families.
Has the strength to get up in the morning even though they see themselves in the mirror.
Can dig holes.
20/25

Survival:
Can live for 17 years.
They can seriously shoot venom.
Like I just looked it up on wikipedia.
I had no idea that these idiotic abominations could do something cool.
I gotta give the dummies some extra credit. (+15)
32/25

Overall Likability:
They can sometimes look cute i guess.
I actually hated the show Phineas and Ferb so its not getting any points form that cartoon,
Overall kind of like seeing an ugly baby.
You can say it does cute things and acts adorable.
But its still ugly.
10/25


Overall appearance:5
Strength: 20
Survival:32
Likability: 10
Total: 67/100

67 a D+. Yeah i see it. Plus if the idiot didnt shoot venom it'd get like a 0.

The Aardvark

This week I'll be reviewing the Aardvark.
Orycteropus afer
'
Overall Appearance:
Aardvarks look like very annoying kids wearing glasses and mom jeans.
They wear a white collered undershirt in order to attract a mate.
However, they are so unattractive and lame.
They use their yellow coats in order to hide at school from Mr.Ratburn.
They wear sneakers but can't even run.
14/25

Strength:
One time he punched his sister during a thunderstorm. +10
It looked like she flung across the driveway.
Aardvarks usually learn a lesson about friendship instead of using their human-like fists.
20/25

Survival:
The aardvark learned how to live without electricity when there was a blackout in Elwood City.+5
He needs glasses to see so thats like pretty lame. (Pretty Lame = -2)
In captivity they can live up to 23 years.
17/25


Overall Likability:
I really enjoyed the aardvark show when i was little.
How do his glasses stay on his head?
His ears are on the top of his head.
Why do they own Pal if everyone is an animal?
Like Binky is like a bulldog or something.
Why is Pal like a real dog?
Its like a slave
10/25

Overall appearance:14
Strength: 20
Survival:17
Likability: 10
Total: 61/100

61. D-. Yeah that makes sense i mean look at him.

The absolute definition of below average.